He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
