Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
