I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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