if you like me you must not know who I am
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
