Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
no, he came in my armpit
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
