Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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