Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
