you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
