I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
