What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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