I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
