Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
