im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
