So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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