Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
