The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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