so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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