i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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