You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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