So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
