my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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