let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
