Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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