I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
