...so i touched it.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
