He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
