'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
