honey bunches of taint.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
whose parrot is this?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
