Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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