New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
