I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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