Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
