Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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