oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My dick has a subreddit
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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