Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
