I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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