I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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