I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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