I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
