When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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