CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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