im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
