I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
