we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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