I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
