it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
