you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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