It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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