i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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