we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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