Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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