I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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