this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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