Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
