Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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