Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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