There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
