If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
